“Graduating with Honours in Domestic Violence”

Cradling her three- month daughter in her arms, she sat down on the carpet and related the story of her most recent beating by her husband.

“I know he loves me, he’s not a bad person…it’s just that his parents incite him to do such stuff,” Samina explained as her five year old daughter and a three year old son hovered around us.

I motioned her to quieten up and redirect her children towards the other room- safe from our conversation.

“Why would you mention this in front of them? Do your children know about this?”

“Of course- he had hit me in front of them! They were screaming when I was crying .They know.”

She looked away, resting one hand on the carpet.

My friend, a qualified PhD doctor, who had the bubbliest child-like giggle in the whole batch- now could barely manage a smile.  She was still in confusion … bearing three children in five years of marriage. Had her education lightened her burden? Her husband is, also a PhD doctor, from a reputable institute in the country and an accomplished wife beater.

What compels the men in our society to raise their hands on their better halves? They must have witnessed their mothers being beaten to a pulp by their fathers. Children learn from example and the parents actions are emulated by the children unwittingly and subconsciously.

I tried counselling her why doesn’t she leave her husband? Take hold of her situation and stop the vicious spiral of making her son a future “Wife Beating” adult or  her daughters, meek and submissive punching bag to their spouses. The myriad of violence and witnessing of harassment has to stop.

It is particularly painful how our women support the frequent beatings by not raising their voices to the domestic violence. Even if they do take a stance- they succumb to the “eastern morals” – forgiving their husbands in hope of a better and secure future for their children.

This is not just an isolated incidence.

A neighbour’s daughter has the same story.  Her children had witnessed their mother’s bleeding lip after their father had severely beaten her and abandoned them on the streets. A case was filed that had nearly resulted in a divorce. “Nearly”. The father had asked forgiveness in the court and my neighbour, the mother, had forgiven her husband. They are reconciled. One wonders if this is eastern innocence or plain hopelessness.

We have become a population of numb creatures. Not a society of persons. Just creatures. Yes, we might form an enraged mob in most circumstances taking revenge from persons who are victim to their own circumstances. Yes, we might take the law into our own hands and perpetrate justice at our own accord over petty issues. We are the ones teaching our children that it is okay to take matters into your own hands.

Our women remain to be  mere domestic servants to take care of our needs and venting out our frustrations: wife, daughter , sister or mother.

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8 thoughts on ““Graduating with Honours in Domestic Violence”

  1. I just went through this article ….it’s pointing towards a bitter reality of life i.e domestic violence …the new thing in this article is that u took an example of an educated stable class n not an underprivileged women (like a maid or poor women ) who is facing beating by her husband under the effect of drink or something ….second good thing is that point that children’s will follow the actions rather than the advice of their parents which I totally agreed with n it’s a good points to ponder upon ..
    Now the only thing which (I think )is a bit weak is the ending like I feel that it should hv a bit more conclusive ending ….like I am totally aware of the fact that domestic violence is a harsh bitter reality of both the first world n third world countries but what is the solution for it ????what is your point of view to eradicate this problem partially if not completely ????
    Overall maashallah brilliant piece of article ….May Allah enlighten your thoughts more n more ,,,keep up the good work dear …💞💞

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The article is very well written…n so as the bitter truth of society its pointing is so very true…
    I guess as a single women its difficult to survive in our society as u wont get support from society ..govt..even ur immediate family n friends..
    But i guess getting beaten up is not the solution either as u spoiling ur own life plus the influence u giving to kids …like they wouldd do same thing…
    Better to take step to be separated as your kids r suffering anyways by being separated or seeing such environmemt at home …but atleast your doing good something for urself by living ur life on ur own way..with respect.. specially in this case which we read in article as she is educated so she can earn bread n butter for herself n kids…
    N i guess initally if someone slap u..slap him back so he should b stopped at very beginning…
    if u keep compromising for such person he would never realize…woh kehtay hain ek baar hath uth gaya tu dobara bhi uthay ga…so if he beats u beat him back with ur rollingg pin he deserves this….for sure …n as society people should boycott such families in there area…
    I hope every women gets her right n understand what is her right actually…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Just went through this article ….it’s pointing towards a bitter reality of life i.e domestic violence …the new thing in this article is that u took an example of an educated stable class n not an underprivileged women (like a maid or poor women ) who is facing beating by her husband under the effect of drink or something ….second good thing is that point that children’s will follow the actions rather than the advice of their parents which I totally agreed with n both are quite good points to ponder upon ..
    Now the only thing which (I think )is a bit weak is the ending like I feel that it should hv a bit more conclusive ending ….like I am totally aware of the fact that domestic violence is a harsh bitter reality of both the first world n third world countries but what is the solution for it ????what is your point of view to eradicate this problem partially if not completely ????
    Overall maashallah brilliant piece of article ….May Allah enlighten your thoughts more n more ,,,keep up the good work dear …💞💞

    Like

  4. What is it that stops educated women from standing up against such oppression as well? Our society has become progressive, yet women like us still question ourselves if facing such a situation. Is it an inherent thing in all women? Why? Our Deen doesn’t teach this to us. We need to teach our daughters…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The problem with “jihaalat” is: it grows with age, education, experience and maturity. A real “jaahil” becomes an elder jaahil, when he gets older…….and a qualified jaahil when he earns a PhD.

    Jihaalat is not a lack of knowledge, experience, skills or aptitude… It is a state of heart, mind and attitude.

    Liked by 1 person

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